Today 02/02/09

Today started out sort of normal. My normal as of late is my soon to be ex-husband on the couch, turning on the lights, making my coffee, and watching the news. Every morning I wake up to find him still here, still sleeping on the couch, still waiting for him to moe out. We started out so good 13 years ago. Fun, hanging out with our friends. Going places with our families, etc. We got married, had a baby, and a new chapter began. We went everywhere to gether, and with the baby. Everything seemed so wonderful. After a few years we moved to Florida for his job. That was an adventure itself. I had never lived more than 10 miles from my mother. It was good for awhile, but it wasn't home. Eventually we came back. Our daughter then started school, and dance classes. I think that's where things started to change. Our daughter and I began going to church with my grandparents. That part of my life was normal to me. My husband had never gone to church. I grew up in a Baptist church. So going to church every Sunday was nothing out of the ordinary for me. Our daughter loved it! She thrived, and eventually she gave her heart to the Lord and got baptized. I rededicated myself to the Lord and was baptized as well. I have been actively attending a church I found through a friend a few years ago. I help out with the children's ministry and our daughter has found new friends. My husband just doesn't want anything to do wiht going to church or getting to know the Lord. He doesn't believe at all. That has become a huge wedge in our relationship. I feel like I don't know him at all, and the feelings go both ways. I have felt for a while now, and never said anything, I felt our relationship was going south. It took him speaking up and sharing his mutual feelings to get me to open up about mine. We are now getting ready to file for a dissolution. That brings me to waht is going on today. OUr daughter is soooo confused because he is still living here. I want him to move out, he is packing, but hasn't left yet. Hopefully next week. I want to start the next chapter of my life and fugure out what my new normal is!